There is a Chinese proverb, "If you save a life, you responsible for that life." Most of use have heard the other saying, "If you save a life, the person whose life you saved is indebted to you for life." I used to believe the latter. I have since learned the Chinese were, and are, spot on.
This is a topic near to my heart. Just as when I posted about the death of my child, it is difficult to dwell on and share, but here goes.
Several years ago I was in management. It was a good job, but it wasn't the right job for me. So, I left management and went back to what I enjoyed and knew best - computer programming. I was moved to a project team about whose product I was not familiar. I became friends with a couple of the women on the team, and we would socialize outside of work occasionally. One friend in particular had been going through a relatively stressful time, and her health was at odds on occasion.
There was one week she called in sick. The weekend came and went, and when she had not returned on Monday, I asked if anyone had heard from her. I grew concerned when no one had. I had her number so I called. It took a few tries before she answered the phone. Her voice was so weak I could hardly hear her. She was extremely weak and didn't think she would be able to get to the doctor. She sounded so ill I offered to take her myself.
Good thing, too. When we got to the doctor, they took one look at her and called the EMTs to take her to the ER. I am still embarrassed and that I didn't just take her there myself. See, she was paper white when I picked her up. No exaggeration. She was so weak, I had to help her from the door of her house to the car. And I am ashamed to say I just dropped her off at the door so I could park.
Since the EMTs took her to the ER. The staff got her into the back STAT. Her blood pressure was almost non-existent, her pulse was very low, and when the nurse tried to find a vein for an IV, there was none to be found.
The human body holds between 8 and 10 pints of blood. Red blood cells continually regenerate. The doctors estimate that when my friend came into the ER her body contained roughly 3 pints of blood. Internally, she was bleeding to death. That she was conscious was a miracle in itself.
This happened on a Monday morning, typically the busiest day of the week in an ER, and we spent several hours in the ER for treatment and waiting for a room. My friend's nearest relative (her parents are deceased) was several thousand miles away in Alaska. My friend was sick, in pain, scared, tired and I don't know what else. And there was no way I was going to leave her. The only time I left was when she had to go for the MRI. She was given 6 pints of blood while waiting for a room, and the effects were immediate. She started feeling stronger and color came back into her face. It was like night and day.
If I recall correctly, she got a room in the Critical Care unit around 9:PM that night. By then they were starting to discover what was causing the massive bleeding. And within a few days it was confirmed. Stage 4 Uterine cancer. She had to go in for surgery as quickly as possible. All of this was overwhelming, so I offered to call her sister and friends to let them know what was going on. That phone call to her sister. I now know what a policeman goes through when delivering bad news. Though it was over the phone, the shock, fear and great panic were evident. She got the quickest flight out, and I met her at the airport.
Legal issues today being what they are, I had to ask my friend for permission before sharing her condition to folks at work. My friend was going to be in the hospital for a while and would be receiving medical treatment over several months. And she would need help - driving, caring for her animals, cleaning, etc. Anyone who's worked for the same company for a while knows that your coworkers a like a second family. Not as close as your actual family, but in times of need, everyone rallies together. And it was so in this case. My friend did not realize we valued her as much as we did until this crisis. People from all over the company contributed time and money to assist not only during her hospital stay but also throughout her chemotherapy and radiation treatments.
I am happy to share that my friend is now in her fifth cancer-free year. And she is a new woman. She exudes confidence, is one of the primary go-to folks at work, she is vivacious, travels extensively, and most of all she is happy. Before her experience she was struggling to find her place. She has carved her niche and is living her life just as I think she had always dreamed.
But back to the Chinese proverb - "If you save a life, you are responsible for that life." A niggling in my mind got me to asking about my friend that fateful day. And I couldn't let it go. For that reason, my friend is still gracing us with her vitality and life. I, too, was with her when she was at her most vulnerable. We talked about things one only mentions when life is ebbing away. And I and another friend of mine worked with her sister to take care of her living situation that first week.
When all of this happened people talking to me would say something to the effect that "you saved her life" or "if you hadn't gone over..." Technically, they are correct. But I believe there was a bigger hand in it. Just as when my son died (http://myredefinedlife.blogspot.com/2011/11/angel-baby.html), God and His Grace took over. I was compelled to ask about my friend, which resulted in her hospitalization. What I find curious, though, is that my friend and I have not talked once about that day. I think, in a way, neither of us wants to. So much happened, and so much was shared during this dark time.
Even more interesting is that I find I want very much for her happiness. We are on different teams now, on different floors, so I rarely see her. But when I do, I ask after her, wanting to know what is going on in her life. You see, I want to be sure she is doing well. I feel an obligation that, since I was there at such a critical time, I need to ensure she leads a happy, productive life. And when I see her in the elevator or I go to visit with her, I am profoundly happy that she has found happiness and satisfaction. If it weren't the case, I would be failing in my obligation, my duty.
And because of this experience, I now understand and believe the Chinese proverb "If you save a life, you are responsible for that life."
26 September 2012
24 September 2012
Melancholia, the Movie (Spoiler Alert)
Melancholia just hit Showtime. I remember when it was first advertised. It seemed like the antithesis of the feel good movie. It interested me, but I didn't want to spend the money to see it in the theatre. So, when I found it it was on Showtime I taped it.
A brief synopsis: On a woman's wedding day a new star is observed in the sky, and it appears to be on a collision course with Earth. The movie covers the wedding and reception and the days leading up to the close encounter with the star.
Appropriately enough, the star is named Melancholia. And the mental health of the woman getting married matches that of the star's name. The wedding goes off well, but the limo taking the bride and groom gets stuck, and while working to get it unstuck, Justine looks up and sees a new star in the sky. What should be the happiest night of her life turns into a travesty as her foreboding of impending annihilation jump starts a depressive state (you gather through the movie that she is severely bipolar).
I may be reading more into the movie than was intended, but what makes this movie interesting to me is the juxtaposition of the main characters and their behaviors as the star gets closer. Justine, from her first glimpse of the star, is thrown into a manic depressive state. But as the star gets closer, her resolve improves and she almost appears to be cheering up. In contrast, though, her brother-in-law (played by Kiefer Sutherland) is almost giddy with the approaching star. But as it grows closer, he regresses into panic, and upon realization that our existence is drawing to a close, he chooses the time of his own death; leaving his wife (Justine's sister) and son to face death head on.
Melancholia is a contemplative movie.It moves slowly, but with reason. You are observing the sure, informed, inevitable death of mankind through two sisters' opposite mindsets. You leave the movie thinking, and thinking yet some more. Thankfully, I DVR'd the movie. So, I was able to watch the movie a second time. It was almost necessary in order to gain a better understanding of key parts of the events.
Cinematically, it was stunning. You could virtually touch the pathos, the fear, the acceptance and unwillingness to accept. And watching a star traveling at 66,000 miles a minute just...absorb the Earth, both from space and from Earth, was something else. You see the former at the beginning of the movie, the latter at the end. And when all that is left is nothingness...Thought provoking indeed.
This is not a movie for folks who want/need speed and action. DH would have gone to sleep in the first five minutes. : ) And it fits well into the 'end of the world' movie theme. But where other 'end of the world' movies end Disney happy (Armageddon, 2012, Deep Impact, The Day After Tomorrow), this one ends most realistically. At almost two and a half-hours, it can be daunting. But I was totally mesmerized from beginning to end. I had no idea how long it was until the credits started rolling.
Out of 5 thumbs up, I give it a 4. Check it out and let me know what you think.
A brief synopsis: On a woman's wedding day a new star is observed in the sky, and it appears to be on a collision course with Earth. The movie covers the wedding and reception and the days leading up to the close encounter with the star.
Appropriately enough, the star is named Melancholia. And the mental health of the woman getting married matches that of the star's name. The wedding goes off well, but the limo taking the bride and groom gets stuck, and while working to get it unstuck, Justine looks up and sees a new star in the sky. What should be the happiest night of her life turns into a travesty as her foreboding of impending annihilation jump starts a depressive state (you gather through the movie that she is severely bipolar).
I may be reading more into the movie than was intended, but what makes this movie interesting to me is the juxtaposition of the main characters and their behaviors as the star gets closer. Justine, from her first glimpse of the star, is thrown into a manic depressive state. But as the star gets closer, her resolve improves and she almost appears to be cheering up. In contrast, though, her brother-in-law (played by Kiefer Sutherland) is almost giddy with the approaching star. But as it grows closer, he regresses into panic, and upon realization that our existence is drawing to a close, he chooses the time of his own death; leaving his wife (Justine's sister) and son to face death head on.
Melancholia is a contemplative movie.It moves slowly, but with reason. You are observing the sure, informed, inevitable death of mankind through two sisters' opposite mindsets. You leave the movie thinking, and thinking yet some more. Thankfully, I DVR'd the movie. So, I was able to watch the movie a second time. It was almost necessary in order to gain a better understanding of key parts of the events.
Cinematically, it was stunning. You could virtually touch the pathos, the fear, the acceptance and unwillingness to accept. And watching a star traveling at 66,000 miles a minute just...absorb the Earth, both from space and from Earth, was something else. You see the former at the beginning of the movie, the latter at the end. And when all that is left is nothingness...Thought provoking indeed.
This is not a movie for folks who want/need speed and action. DH would have gone to sleep in the first five minutes. : ) And it fits well into the 'end of the world' movie theme. But where other 'end of the world' movies end Disney happy (Armageddon, 2012, Deep Impact, The Day After Tomorrow), this one ends most realistically. At almost two and a half-hours, it can be daunting. But I was totally mesmerized from beginning to end. I had no idea how long it was until the credits started rolling.
Out of 5 thumbs up, I give it a 4. Check it out and let me know what you think.
20 September 2012
Gabe, School, and Autism
Whew! We are now in our fourth week of school. Gabe is doing great and it is sooo nice.
Gabe is our youngest child. He is two months shy of 9, and he is in the 3rd grade. His progress to this point has been nothing short of miraculous. As written in the Earth Angel post (http://myredefinedlife.blogspot.com/2011/11/earth-angel.html), Gabe has special needs. These are primarily neurological in that Gabe is Autistic. He was diagnosed when he was 2 1/2 years old. He also has some minor physical needs. He has weak fine motor skills. What that means specific to him is that he has weak hand coordination and strength.
A brief background: Gabe has been in a form of therapy (Physical, Occupational, Speech) since he was 3 months old. He was literally limp like a rag doll when he was born. And he had nystagmus (uncontrollable eye movements). We referred ourselved to Children First, a federal and state funded program that provides therapies for children birth to 3yo who are developmentally delayed 25% or more.
Long story short, Gabe learned to roll over when he was 11 months old. He walked 3 months later. His hands were balled into fists at birth, and after intensive therapy and hand splints, he was able to actually pick up objects on his own when he was almost 3yo. He spoke his first words when he was 3 1/2 yo. He had a vocabulary of almost 50 words a year later. He was successfully potty-trained when he was 5 yo.
Today, Gabe is right there with the other 3rd graders. And he talks waaaaay too much! We actually have to ask him to hush so we can have a few moments of quiet! He still needs help with activities that require hand strength. He is in an Inclusion class. Has been since he started 1st grade. And, for the most part, is a regular kid.
Autism, however, is a sneaky bastard. No two children manifest Autism the same way, and the severity is wide ranging. There are many symptoms. These include Avoiding eye contact, Social awkwardness (moreso than a typical child), Difficulty reading facial expressions and inability interpreting social interactions, Sensory sensitivities, Difficulty communicating, and Slowed emotional development. Loads of information can be found on the internet. We have lived with Autism for almost nine years now, and we are so used to Gabe's idiosyncracies that they are second nature.
Including low muscle tone, his Autism manifests itself several ways. The items listed here are the most obvious.
Gabe is our youngest child. He is two months shy of 9, and he is in the 3rd grade. His progress to this point has been nothing short of miraculous. As written in the Earth Angel post (http://myredefinedlife.blogspot.com/2011/11/earth-angel.html), Gabe has special needs. These are primarily neurological in that Gabe is Autistic. He was diagnosed when he was 2 1/2 years old. He also has some minor physical needs. He has weak fine motor skills. What that means specific to him is that he has weak hand coordination and strength.
A brief background: Gabe has been in a form of therapy (Physical, Occupational, Speech) since he was 3 months old. He was literally limp like a rag doll when he was born. And he had nystagmus (uncontrollable eye movements). We referred ourselved to Children First, a federal and state funded program that provides therapies for children birth to 3yo who are developmentally delayed 25% or more.
Long story short, Gabe learned to roll over when he was 11 months old. He walked 3 months later. His hands were balled into fists at birth, and after intensive therapy and hand splints, he was able to actually pick up objects on his own when he was almost 3yo. He spoke his first words when he was 3 1/2 yo. He had a vocabulary of almost 50 words a year later. He was successfully potty-trained when he was 5 yo.
Today, Gabe is right there with the other 3rd graders. And he talks waaaaay too much! We actually have to ask him to hush so we can have a few moments of quiet! He still needs help with activities that require hand strength. He is in an Inclusion class. Has been since he started 1st grade. And, for the most part, is a regular kid.
Autism, however, is a sneaky bastard. No two children manifest Autism the same way, and the severity is wide ranging. There are many symptoms. These include Avoiding eye contact, Social awkwardness (moreso than a typical child), Difficulty reading facial expressions and inability interpreting social interactions, Sensory sensitivities, Difficulty communicating, and Slowed emotional development. Loads of information can be found on the internet. We have lived with Autism for almost nine years now, and we are so used to Gabe's idiosyncracies that they are second nature.
Including low muscle tone, his Autism manifests itself several ways. The items listed here are the most obvious.
- Diet - Gabe doesn't eat meat. He enjoys cheese pizza but he will only eat Domino's, Pizza Hut or Sbarro. He eats primarily brown/beige foods - bread, crackers, pancakes, waffles, rolls, vanilla ice cream, apple sauce (under duress), vanilla wafers, to name a few. A very limited diet to say the least. Amazingly he is very healthy. We supplement his diet with vitamins, and he is in the 90th percentile for his age group in weight and about 100 percentile for height.
- Auditory - These set Gabriel off (upset him, he may stim out); vacuum cleaner, blow dryer, blender. Basically anything that sustains a white noise for a period of time. Loud noises also upset him. A raised voice distresses him immensely, regardless of where or from whom he hears it. I typically have a pair of ear plugs or his comfort blanket when we go to the movies, shows, concerts, arena games, etc. I think the worst is fireworks. This year, for the first time since Gabe was born, we went to downtown to watch the city fireworks. Gabe was huddled in two blankets, had my noise-canceling earphones on, and played children's music on my iPod the entire time. As hot as it was, and though the fireworks were across the river, Gabe wanted no part of it.
11 September 2012
How Do You Remember?
Where were you 11 years ago? Do you remember when you heard about the attacks? The hijackings? Do you remember what raced through your mind? Can you remember the events of September 11, 2001 without some modicum of emotion passing through your brain?
September 11, 2001. That day is indelibly imprinted in the minds of millions of people the world over. And it was observed most notably in the United States of America with moments of silence at key points in time of that day. Flags were at half-mast. And services were held in NYC, Washington DC and Pennsylvania.
Ever year, on this day, I wonder why it is not declared a day of remembrance. A day where, like Independence Day, Labor Day, and Thanksgiving, businesses, government, and schools shut down commemorate the day. Then, as I look back on what I just wrote, I realize that these holidays are happy days of remembrance. Today is not one such day. Or is it? For on September 11, 2001, heroic actions such as should be written in songs of old saved many more people than were lost. And the actions of the few brought 90 nations together in solidarity.
For me, this September 11 was busy supporting a client. Writing JCL and running scans on the fly. And my first break in the day came around 2:30PM, well past the moments of rememberence of the morning. As I was eating my late lunch, I browsed some news websites and read the articles. And it was just as emotional as it was 11 years ago.
Movies have been made of the events of September 11 and of the fallout from September 11. To date, I have not watched one. Books, also have been written by survivors, families, and others. I also have not read any of these books. Nor do I intend to watch or read any of these. September 11 is sacrosanct. I want my memories to be as they are and not be impinged upon.
I remember the day, watching the planes flying into the World Trade Centers live on television, thinking the world as I knew it was turned topsy-turvy. I was terrified for my children - what kind of world had I borne them into? Talking to them, then aged 7 and 9, was difficult. We tried as much as possible for the days to go as normally as possible. And we adhered to the adage, just answer the question and offer no more information.
I remember, too, the first six months after the attacks. Traffic disputes were at an all-time low, people were substantially kinder, we were all more patient too. Nowadays, even with the many security precautions, life is fairly normal. I never complain when I have to wait in the security line at the airport. And I gladly allow security to search my bags at all venues. It is the price we pay for safety.
Today, I read the articles about the different memorials of September 11, 2001 were commemorated. And tears followed. They always do. And in signing off on this day of rememberance, I am sharing a link of photographs of some of the lesser known rescuers, the rescue and recovery dogs. Take a moment and browse the photos. What a poignant reminder of the bond betweem man and animal in what can be the worst of times.
http://www.dogheroesof911.com/photoslide.htm
September 11, 2001. That day is indelibly imprinted in the minds of millions of people the world over. And it was observed most notably in the United States of America with moments of silence at key points in time of that day. Flags were at half-mast. And services were held in NYC, Washington DC and Pennsylvania.
Ever year, on this day, I wonder why it is not declared a day of remembrance. A day where, like Independence Day, Labor Day, and Thanksgiving, businesses, government, and schools shut down commemorate the day. Then, as I look back on what I just wrote, I realize that these holidays are happy days of remembrance. Today is not one such day. Or is it? For on September 11, 2001, heroic actions such as should be written in songs of old saved many more people than were lost. And the actions of the few brought 90 nations together in solidarity.
For me, this September 11 was busy supporting a client. Writing JCL and running scans on the fly. And my first break in the day came around 2:30PM, well past the moments of rememberence of the morning. As I was eating my late lunch, I browsed some news websites and read the articles. And it was just as emotional as it was 11 years ago.
Movies have been made of the events of September 11 and of the fallout from September 11. To date, I have not watched one. Books, also have been written by survivors, families, and others. I also have not read any of these books. Nor do I intend to watch or read any of these. September 11 is sacrosanct. I want my memories to be as they are and not be impinged upon.
I remember the day, watching the planes flying into the World Trade Centers live on television, thinking the world as I knew it was turned topsy-turvy. I was terrified for my children - what kind of world had I borne them into? Talking to them, then aged 7 and 9, was difficult. We tried as much as possible for the days to go as normally as possible. And we adhered to the adage, just answer the question and offer no more information.
I remember, too, the first six months after the attacks. Traffic disputes were at an all-time low, people were substantially kinder, we were all more patient too. Nowadays, even with the many security precautions, life is fairly normal. I never complain when I have to wait in the security line at the airport. And I gladly allow security to search my bags at all venues. It is the price we pay for safety.
Today, I read the articles about the different memorials of September 11, 2001 were commemorated. And tears followed. They always do. And in signing off on this day of rememberance, I am sharing a link of photographs of some of the lesser known rescuers, the rescue and recovery dogs. Take a moment and browse the photos. What a poignant reminder of the bond betweem man and animal in what can be the worst of times.
http://www.dogheroesof911.com/photoslide.htm
08 September 2012
When It Rains, It Pours
DD's relationship with her parents is tense. She loves her youngest brother like nothing else. She and her other brother get along, but he dislikes how her behavior can upset DH and I. DD moved out almost the day she graduated high school. To be honest, it was a relief. Our interactions the three years before she graduated spiralled to all new lows. The window in her old bedroom still hasn't been repaired from when it was kicked out a few years ago.
We've gone through our low points, and over the last year it's seemed she has been doing better. She has an apartment with her girlfriend (GF) (with some help from mom), and she bought a used car last month (with some help from dad). She visits when she needs to do laundry or when DYS calls her. So, it's been pretty steady.
Then last week GF's dog bit DD. It quickly got infected, so she and I spent Tuesday in the ER waiting for a doctor to look at it. Eight hours later she had antibiotics and painkillers. In our conversations I find out she and GF are not getting along. I know my daughter. She is a non-communicator, and she has an explosive temper. And she absolutely does not talk about what's closest to her heart. So, I get that niggling at the back of my brain. But I leave it alone. I don't want to think/fear the worst.
And Friday night comes along. It was a busy day. At work, I was engrossed in a cliet issue that was time critical. I didn't leave until almost 12 hours after I'd arrived. About the only break I had was to get a coke. So, I get home, read a chapter of Harry Potter to DYS and get into bed for a well-deserved rest. Then my cell phone rings. And it's DD. She's screaming into the phone, cursing, crying, and what I find out is that she and her GF got into a fight. GF took the car keys, and DD is furious. There's talk of taking pain killers and other crazy talk. So I grab some clothes and take off to get her. I pick her up and take her to the park by our house. Then I go to her apartment and spend an hour talking to GF. To me, it's obvious they need to go their separate ways. But neither of them "had anyplace to go". That and there's the $1,000 to break the lease that mom co-signed. I get DD's car keys, go pick her up and take her to her apartment. Then I finally get to bed.
I get up this morning and call DD. She sounds down, but she's much calmer now. So, I start my cleaning. And then I see on FB that she's posted a comment about how bad her day is. I call her, and her car, only a few days out of the warranty, is dead. The car accelerator died, the oil light went on, and then the car died. Oh crap. I've been in cars that did that, and none of them survived - thrown rods, cracked blocks. All this is going through my mind, and the feeling in my stomach is just dropping. I feel that dread that I felt four years ago when things were at their very worst with DD.
I am so afraid we are heading for another really bad patch with DD. I am praying the car can be repaired for a relatively reasonable cost. I am praying the car is redeemable. I am praying DD and GF can figure out what to do - peacefully. I am praying, period.
We've gone through our low points, and over the last year it's seemed she has been doing better. She has an apartment with her girlfriend (GF) (with some help from mom), and she bought a used car last month (with some help from dad). She visits when she needs to do laundry or when DYS calls her. So, it's been pretty steady.
Then last week GF's dog bit DD. It quickly got infected, so she and I spent Tuesday in the ER waiting for a doctor to look at it. Eight hours later she had antibiotics and painkillers. In our conversations I find out she and GF are not getting along. I know my daughter. She is a non-communicator, and she has an explosive temper. And she absolutely does not talk about what's closest to her heart. So, I get that niggling at the back of my brain. But I leave it alone. I don't want to think/fear the worst.
And Friday night comes along. It was a busy day. At work, I was engrossed in a cliet issue that was time critical. I didn't leave until almost 12 hours after I'd arrived. About the only break I had was to get a coke. So, I get home, read a chapter of Harry Potter to DYS and get into bed for a well-deserved rest. Then my cell phone rings. And it's DD. She's screaming into the phone, cursing, crying, and what I find out is that she and her GF got into a fight. GF took the car keys, and DD is furious. There's talk of taking pain killers and other crazy talk. So I grab some clothes and take off to get her. I pick her up and take her to the park by our house. Then I go to her apartment and spend an hour talking to GF. To me, it's obvious they need to go their separate ways. But neither of them "had anyplace to go". That and there's the $1,000 to break the lease that mom co-signed. I get DD's car keys, go pick her up and take her to her apartment. Then I finally get to bed.
I get up this morning and call DD. She sounds down, but she's much calmer now. So, I start my cleaning. And then I see on FB that she's posted a comment about how bad her day is. I call her, and her car, only a few days out of the warranty, is dead. The car accelerator died, the oil light went on, and then the car died. Oh crap. I've been in cars that did that, and none of them survived - thrown rods, cracked blocks. All this is going through my mind, and the feeling in my stomach is just dropping. I feel that dread that I felt four years ago when things were at their very worst with DD.
I am so afraid we are heading for another really bad patch with DD. I am praying the car can be repaired for a relatively reasonable cost. I am praying the car is redeemable. I am praying DD and GF can figure out what to do - peacefully. I am praying, period.
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