There is a Chinese proverb, "If you save a life, you responsible for that life." Most of use have heard the other saying, "If you save a life, the person whose life you saved is indebted to you for life." I used to believe the latter. I have since learned the Chinese were, and are, spot on.
This is a topic near to my heart. Just as when I posted about the death of my child, it is difficult to dwell on and share, but here goes.
Several years ago I was in management. It was a good job, but it wasn't the right job for me. So, I left management and went back to what I enjoyed and knew best - computer programming. I was moved to a project team about whose product I was not familiar. I became friends with a couple of the women on the team, and we would socialize outside of work occasionally. One friend in particular had been going through a relatively stressful time, and her health was at odds on occasion.
There was one week she called in sick. The weekend came and went, and when she had not returned on Monday, I asked if anyone had heard from her. I grew concerned when no one had. I had her number so I called. It took a few tries before she answered the phone. Her voice was so weak I could hardly hear her. She was extremely weak and didn't think she would be able to get to the doctor. She sounded so ill I offered to take her myself.
Good thing, too. When we got to the doctor, they took one look at her and called the EMTs to take her to the ER. I am still embarrassed and that I didn't just take her there myself. See, she was paper white when I picked her up. No exaggeration. She was so weak, I had to help her from the door of her house to the car. And I am ashamed to say I just dropped her off at the door so I could park.
Since the EMTs took her to the ER. The staff got her into the back STAT. Her blood pressure was almost non-existent, her pulse was very low, and when the nurse tried to find a vein for an IV, there was none to be found.
The human body holds between 8 and 10 pints of blood. Red blood cells continually regenerate. The doctors estimate that when my friend came into the ER her body contained roughly 3 pints of blood. Internally, she was bleeding to death. That she was conscious was a miracle in itself.
This happened on a Monday morning, typically the busiest day of the week in an ER, and we spent several hours in the ER for treatment and waiting for a room. My friend's nearest relative (her parents are deceased) was several thousand miles away in Alaska. My friend was sick, in pain, scared, tired and I don't know what else. And there was no way I was going to leave her. The only time I left was when she had to go for the MRI. She was given 6 pints of blood while waiting for a room, and the effects were immediate. She started feeling stronger and color came back into her face. It was like night and day.
If I recall correctly, she got a room in the Critical Care unit around 9:PM that night. By then they were starting to discover what was causing the massive bleeding. And within a few days it was confirmed. Stage 4 Uterine cancer. She had to go in for surgery as quickly as possible. All of this was overwhelming, so I offered to call her sister and friends to let them know what was going on. That phone call to her sister. I now know what a policeman goes through when delivering bad news. Though it was over the phone, the shock, fear and great panic were evident. She got the quickest flight out, and I met her at the airport.
Legal issues today being what they are, I had to ask my friend for permission before sharing her condition to folks at work. My friend was going to be in the hospital for a while and would be receiving medical treatment over several months. And she would need help - driving, caring for her animals, cleaning, etc. Anyone who's worked for the same company for a while knows that your coworkers a like a second family. Not as close as your actual family, but in times of need, everyone rallies together. And it was so in this case. My friend did not realize we valued her as much as we did until this crisis. People from all over the company contributed time and money to assist not only during her hospital stay but also throughout her chemotherapy and radiation treatments.
I am happy to share that my friend is now in her fifth cancer-free year. And she is a new woman. She exudes confidence, is one of the primary go-to folks at work, she is vivacious, travels extensively, and most of all she is happy. Before her experience she was struggling to find her place. She has carved her niche and is living her life just as I think she had always dreamed.
But back to the Chinese proverb - "If you save a life, you are responsible for that life." A niggling in my mind got me to asking about my friend that fateful day. And I couldn't let it go. For that reason, my friend is still gracing us with her vitality and life. I, too, was with her when she was at her most vulnerable. We talked about things one only mentions when life is ebbing away. And I and another friend of mine worked with her sister to take care of her living situation that first week.
When all of this happened people talking to me would say something to the effect that "you saved her life" or "if you hadn't gone over..." Technically, they are correct. But I believe there was a bigger hand in it. Just as when my son died (http://myredefinedlife.blogspot.com/2011/11/angel-baby.html), God and His Grace took over. I was compelled to ask about my friend, which resulted in her hospitalization. What I find curious, though, is that my friend and I have not talked once about that day. I think, in a way, neither of us wants to. So much happened, and so much was shared during this dark time.
Even more interesting is that I find I want very much for her happiness. We are on different teams now, on different floors, so I rarely see her. But when I do, I ask after her, wanting to know what is going on in her life. You see, I want to be sure she is doing well. I feel an obligation that, since I was there at such a critical time, I need to ensure she leads a happy, productive life. And when I see her in the elevator or I go to visit with her, I am profoundly happy that she has found happiness and satisfaction. If it weren't the case, I would be failing in my obligation, my duty.
And because of this experience, I now understand and believe the Chinese proverb "If you save a life, you are responsible for that life."
8 comments:
Moved by your story. And about your son. Thank you for sharing. Simon
I have not responded to a blog before. Thanks for posting.
Very touching.
This evening I will talk to a group of about 100 people. I know each of these people because they have been invited to my 50th Wedding Anniversary. I am taking this occasion however to share with my friends the story of one in the group. Roger just happened to be present at two supper affairs when we were together. With each meal I was eating white rice whereupon it suddenly lodged in my windpipe. So suddenly did it happen that all I could do was stand up and point to my neck. Although these incidents were years apart, Roger saw what was happening and gave me the Haimlich maneuver. He saved my life twice. I will recconnize (sp) him tonight.
I read this proverb differently, and at times resent its falsity. My sister was born in 1976 with a devastating and life threatening, rare and complex congenital birth defect. Not an organ system in her body is normal. In the 42 years of her life, she has seen more doctors and experienced more surgeries and hospitalizations than anyone else I know. She experiences pain all day every day, as far as I can tell. I can't be sure, because she never learned to speak, or to communicate using any of the array of assistive devices available for the nonverbal. Her days are filled with the frustration of trying to communicate and not being understood. Doctors at Sick Children's Hospital in Toronto worked heroically to save her life when she was born, and sentenced her to a life of pain, frustration and dependence. They are not responsible for her. Instead, they sentenced my parents and me to a lifetime of caregiving, underemployment and stress. Sometimes I am angry with them for this, but they had no way of knowing, when they made the choice to save her, how debilitated she would always be. Nor have they experienced the consequences, though. They experimented on her, and did their best to patch her up, but they never had to spoonfeed her or change her diapers. The stress of managing her care has now killed both our parents and is beginning to debilitate me. The doctors saved her, but her family has been resposible for her every minute of every day since.
I lost my daughter and my grandmother passed from cancer and that was the turning point for me to get into aged care my condolences mate reading that I could really feel it@ anominous
This is a quote I've remembered all my life and never really knew why until now. I have rescued animals for a good chunk of my life, and I almost always wind up adopting the animals I rescue. Because why would I save them from a relative certainty of death only to shove them into an uncertain and painful life?
The context with which I am also most familiar. I have saved a great many animals' lives, although not a human life, to my knowledge. Some of the animals I was able to release back to the wild, as I have always felt that wild animals deserve to be wild (Crows, Squirrels, Possums, etc.) but in some cases, I have adopted them for the remainder of their lives (Cats, Dogs, "domestic" pets)
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