Alcohol and work woes do not mix. DH came home the other day. It was a bad day at work, so he stopped off at a nearby club, had a few beers, and what happened? He came home in a fine nettle. This happens at times. Usually, he vents his frustrations, plays a few rounds of pool and crashes in the recliner. But not that night! Noooo. He had to go from work woes to what it is about each of the family members that bugs him. You know, the little things that we all deal with on a daily basis; leaving the toilet seat up (for us girls), getting impatient when the spouse calls for the 10 time at work, not taking the trash out. So, for two hours he vented. And when DH vents everyone has to listen, no one can speak, we all have to sit and be attentive, and acknowledge with hung head that yes, we do not do this and we do do that, yadda yadda yadda.
And there's no talking to him. He's very good at talking over everyone else, and he can be a very imposing person when provoked. Then, once he's calmed down, DH expects immediate contrition on our part, forgiveness on his and all is right with the world. The problem is, it's the same speech every time. He complains about what is bothering him at work, or softball, and then he complains about his plight with the family. His wife and children don't listen to him. We don't do what he says. He knows what's best and we ignore him. Well, I got news for him. We do listen. We do what he says, for the most part. As for the last part. Well, he's married to a semi-OCD, logically minded, procedural person who thinks most things through before deciding on the best action. And if it's contrary to what he says, and he won't listen, it's 50-50 as to whether we do what he thinks is best. That, and he is so laid back we never know if or when he thinks otherwise. In other words, if he doesn't agree, he rarely says so. So, how are we to know what he thinks is best when he rarely indicates such?
The night ended quietly. Once he got all his yelling and spittle-riddled speech out of the way, he calmed right down. Me? I went on doing what I was doing before he got home but in a pissed off frame of mind. Thank goodness he slept in the rec room! The next morning he tried to schmooze before going to work and it was 'talk to the hand!' Things were quieter yesterday. When I'm upset I avoid conversation but I am civil for the children's sakes. By the time I was ready to address what I felt was inexcusable behavior (turning work woes into direct attacks on family members), he was much more contrite and very apologetic. And yet again, it was the same speech I gave to him: We are none of us perfect. We do listen and work to address his issues, but he won't let them go. When he has work issues, please keep the venting to work and don't attack his family. We want to support him and the vitriol doesn't help. And so on.
So, it's about three days later and all is copacetic. I just wish he would take his own advice to stop this cycle of holding it in then venting to the world. Granted, I'm one to speak! I am quite the opposite. When something bothers me, I address it as soon as reasonable. Used to be that I was not at all constructive in addressing it. Rather very scarily off my rocker. Now, after several classes (taken when I was pursuing a teacher's certification, then when I was taking Nursing classes, and also the requisite HR classes all corporations like to mandate), I like to think I take a more understated approach. I used it on him the other day, and it worked a charm; primarily because I waited till I calmed down.
And what am I doing now? Venting. Online. I wish DH and I communicated better. I wish DH were more assertive. I wish a lot of things. But that we worked it out, again, for now, is good. At least until next time.
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