A brief background. My parents married young. I came 9 months after they married. So for the first 15 years of my life we lived in various cities and states while my parents took turns getting their degrees. This meant that, for the most part, I went to a different school every year. Then, in junior high, I had the option to continue in the same school. It wasn't the most fun time of my life, but the benefits to staying at one school over a number of years far outweighed the effort to re-establish myself in yet another school. My parents earned their degrees and established themselves professionally by the time I entered high school. So, again, I got to go to the same school for a number of years. One of the most valuable benefits of this was making and then keeping friends for more than 9 months.
I would like to think I treated my friends as well as they treated me. Unfortunately, I realize that was not the case. There's no real excuse, but in my defense, all that school and city-hopping, while providing me valuable life experiences, left my social skills woefully underdeveloped. Twenty-five years later, I have a much deeper appreciation of the value of friendship, and the friends I have now are very much valued and respected.
I had several friends back in high school, two of whom were my closest friends - Amy and Debbie. Amy was a middle child of 6, and Debbie was the baby of 5 - the next in age roughly 12 years older than her. And there I was, the elder of 2. Amy's upbringing was more faith-based than Debbie's and mine, thus Amy's boundaries were much closer than ours. As a result, Debbie and I were closer friends. Of the two of them, I considered, and still consider, Debbie as my best friend through high school and college.
As I wrote above, I didn't treat my friends as well as I should have back then. Life being what it is, I abused my friendships, and unfortunately, Debbie bore the brunt of it. As a result, we had a falling out in 1987. There wasn't a screaming match, nothing like that. Rather, Debbie chose to halt any contact with me.
It took me several years to find out why. I tried making up for it, but it was too little too late. And at that point, I'm sure Debbie just wanted me out of her life for the remainder. It's been 20 years, and you know what? I still wish for at least a passing friendship with Debbie. I realized too late that she was a total friend; she did any and everything I asked of her, and I was too selfish and self-centered to appreciate her.
Over the years, I've attempted contact - roughly 3 times. Doesn't sound like much, but when someone doesn't want to be found... In 2005, for the first time in the 20 years, Debbie posted her email address - and snail mail and phone number in our alma-mater's Alumni Directory. As part of the beginning of 2007, I sent her an email. Yes, it took a year, but that was a year of "should I" and "shouldn't I". So, I sent the email on the 2nd. Will I get a response? I don't know. We'll see. I hope so. It's a new year. Could it be a new beginning?
No comments:
Post a Comment