Our neighbors are moving! Whew! Can't say how glad we are that they're moving! It's not like they're loud or rude or don't keep their yard clean or trash the place. Rather, they seem to feel they are above everyone in the cul de sac, all except for the guy who lives across the street. The one whose girlfriend recently moved out.
We've been living in the same subdivision for 11 years; the first eight of which were spent at the front of the subdivision. When Gabriel came along, we needed more space. But we still wanted to live in the same area - it's convenient to everything and in the part of the city we like. So, we bought a house in the back of the subdivision.
Our previous house was also on a cul de sac - 8 houses. And everyone knew everyone else. Three of the houses had children under 10, one had senior citizens, two had young career couples, and the last two had children in high school and college. We were a close-knit block; even when houses were bought and sold. It wasn't unusual for one house to start the evening cooking out and for the evening to end with an impromptu potluck with everyone running around the block. If one family was having a crisis, everyone pitched in to help. When Marilyn's house was hit by lightning and burst into flames, Rufus and Mike ran into the house to put it out. Then Marilyn and her husband stayed at one house while their children stayed at another. When Kim and Mike separated, Paige & Alan, Rufus & I, Rod, and Wes made sure the yard was cared for, the house was watched, etc. And when our son, Rufus, died, everyone checked in on us daily and took Cassie and Chris (this was before Gabriel was born) under their collective wings. Our block was one big family, which was one of the main reasons we wanted to stay in the subdivision. We wanted to be close to our neighbors and friends.
Our new house is located in a cul de sac with 8 houses, again. We've been living in this house for almost 2 1/2 years, and we have yet to know any of our neighbors by name. It's not like we haven't tried. When one of the families was sodding their yard, Rufus went over to help. But the guy rebuffed his offer - nicely, but still. When the neighbor to the right was deployed to Iraq, he left his wife and three children in the states. Rufus would go and mow their lawn when it got too high; not that they asked, but he knew it was difficult being a single parent. So, he did it just because, and usually when they were out. And when our soon to be ex-neighbors had their first child, I made them a lasagna dinner with salad, garlic bread, chocolate cake and sweet tea and took that and a baby gift over to them. Cassie and I spent 10 minutes chatting and then left. No acknowledgement was made then or ever.
So, it's not like we're going to miss the neighbors - the ones who had the baby. It's as though they go out of their way to keep us at a distance. The few times we've initiated conversation with either of them, they make it a point to use first names of other neighbors as though to say "we know them, but you don't." They called the police when the neighbors to their left had their music on "too loud." We found out from those neighbors that the police didn't do anything. More than anything, though, it's the almost total lack of acknowledgement and the near total avoidance of us.
For a while, I thought I was just being overly sensitive to the vibes I was getting. But, then when Rufus mentioned it, I knew it was real. See, Rufus is so mellow, just about everything goes over his head. He just doesn't let it bother him. But this, it bothered him. And if it bothers Rufus, it's real. So, when we noticed a real estate agent's SUV in the driveway, not just once, but twice, we started hoping. It was there again last Thursday, and when I went to get a coke at the Kangaroo, there it was big and bold. FOR SALE. No lie, we were dancing in the garage.
A couple days later, Rufus was in the garage when the real estate agent came by again. They just happened to have a few words, and when I got home he was grinning from ear to ear. An offer had been made and accepted and all that was left was the appraisal. Woo hoo! We could hardly believe our ears.
So, what now? Hopefully, neighbors we can bond with. We really miss the at-home comaradarie we had in our old home. We're still very close with our old neighbors; it's just that it's a mile from our current home. It's much more convenient when you're only 30 seconds away from your house. Cross your fingers!
Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
20 January 2007
06 January 2007
Old Friends. New Beginnings?
A brief background. My parents married young. I came 9 months after they married. So for the first 15 years of my life we lived in various cities and states while my parents took turns getting their degrees. This meant that, for the most part, I went to a different school every year. Then, in junior high, I had the option to continue in the same school. It wasn't the most fun time of my life, but the benefits to staying at one school over a number of years far outweighed the effort to re-establish myself in yet another school. My parents earned their degrees and established themselves professionally by the time I entered high school. So, again, I got to go to the same school for a number of years. One of the most valuable benefits of this was making and then keeping friends for more than 9 months.
I would like to think I treated my friends as well as they treated me. Unfortunately, I realize that was not the case. There's no real excuse, but in my defense, all that school and city-hopping, while providing me valuable life experiences, left my social skills woefully underdeveloped. Twenty-five years later, I have a much deeper appreciation of the value of friendship, and the friends I have now are very much valued and respected.
I had several friends back in high school, two of whom were my closest friends - Amy and Debbie. Amy was a middle child of 6, and Debbie was the baby of 5 - the next in age roughly 12 years older than her. And there I was, the elder of 2. Amy's upbringing was more faith-based than Debbie's and mine, thus Amy's boundaries were much closer than ours. As a result, Debbie and I were closer friends. Of the two of them, I considered, and still consider, Debbie as my best friend through high school and college.
As I wrote above, I didn't treat my friends as well as I should have back then. Life being what it is, I abused my friendships, and unfortunately, Debbie bore the brunt of it. As a result, we had a falling out in 1987. There wasn't a screaming match, nothing like that. Rather, Debbie chose to halt any contact with me.
It took me several years to find out why. I tried making up for it, but it was too little too late. And at that point, I'm sure Debbie just wanted me out of her life for the remainder. It's been 20 years, and you know what? I still wish for at least a passing friendship with Debbie. I realized too late that she was a total friend; she did any and everything I asked of her, and I was too selfish and self-centered to appreciate her.
Over the years, I've attempted contact - roughly 3 times. Doesn't sound like much, but when someone doesn't want to be found... In 2005, for the first time in the 20 years, Debbie posted her email address - and snail mail and phone number in our alma-mater's Alumni Directory. As part of the beginning of 2007, I sent her an email. Yes, it took a year, but that was a year of "should I" and "shouldn't I". So, I sent the email on the 2nd. Will I get a response? I don't know. We'll see. I hope so. It's a new year. Could it be a new beginning?
I would like to think I treated my friends as well as they treated me. Unfortunately, I realize that was not the case. There's no real excuse, but in my defense, all that school and city-hopping, while providing me valuable life experiences, left my social skills woefully underdeveloped. Twenty-five years later, I have a much deeper appreciation of the value of friendship, and the friends I have now are very much valued and respected.
I had several friends back in high school, two of whom were my closest friends - Amy and Debbie. Amy was a middle child of 6, and Debbie was the baby of 5 - the next in age roughly 12 years older than her. And there I was, the elder of 2. Amy's upbringing was more faith-based than Debbie's and mine, thus Amy's boundaries were much closer than ours. As a result, Debbie and I were closer friends. Of the two of them, I considered, and still consider, Debbie as my best friend through high school and college.
As I wrote above, I didn't treat my friends as well as I should have back then. Life being what it is, I abused my friendships, and unfortunately, Debbie bore the brunt of it. As a result, we had a falling out in 1987. There wasn't a screaming match, nothing like that. Rather, Debbie chose to halt any contact with me.
It took me several years to find out why. I tried making up for it, but it was too little too late. And at that point, I'm sure Debbie just wanted me out of her life for the remainder. It's been 20 years, and you know what? I still wish for at least a passing friendship with Debbie. I realized too late that she was a total friend; she did any and everything I asked of her, and I was too selfish and self-centered to appreciate her.
Over the years, I've attempted contact - roughly 3 times. Doesn't sound like much, but when someone doesn't want to be found... In 2005, for the first time in the 20 years, Debbie posted her email address - and snail mail and phone number in our alma-mater's Alumni Directory. As part of the beginning of 2007, I sent her an email. Yes, it took a year, but that was a year of "should I" and "shouldn't I". So, I sent the email on the 2nd. Will I get a response? I don't know. We'll see. I hope so. It's a new year. Could it be a new beginning?
29 December 2006
Melancholy Movies
December 28 1/2 - it's 12:44 AM on the 29th. Last night (or rather early in the AM) I watched The Weight of Water. It was a melancholy suspense that reminded me of Smilla's Sense of Snow. I enjoyed the movie, but I didn't find that it was resolved to my satisfaction. What eluded me was the reason the main protagonist was so sad. Was it her growing rift with her husband, the Pulitzer Prize poet? Or was it the referred-to accident? What I do know is that I could relate to the overall atmosphere of the movie. That sense of mourning something lost but not really knowing what it was that was lost.
Speaking of movies, I highly recommend The Human Stain. Yet another melancholy movie. It stars Sir Anthony Hopkins and Nicole Kidman. What a difficult movie to watch, but so riveting! All three movies share one common bond; keeping secrets portends doom. All three movies were also filmed similarly - with flashbacks to previous events. Thus we get two stories for the price of one.
Why am I on this train of thought? It could be my sense of feeling that I should be happier in my life but for whatever reason, I feel like I just missed the boat. Here I am with a husband who loves me, albeit in a singularly uncommunicative fashion, three children who are for the most part healthy in mind and body, a job I enjoy, a home, transportation, etc. etc. But I am missing something. I'm thinking more and more that what I'm missing is the companionship Rufus and I only very occasionally have - like once every 5 or 6 months. And I'm missing a social life of any kind. Many of our friends have moved away or moved on; and we're finding it more difficult to hook up with other couples. Here we have 2 teenagers and 1 toddler, and though more families are becoming like us, we are still an anomaly. Add to that the fact that Rufus is black and I'm white, and we're living in the South. A recipe for being singled out.
We've been living in our neighborhood for 15 months now, and we have yet to know any of our neighbors by name. Trust me, we've tried by bringing dinners and gifts to the couple next door when they had their daughter, offering assistance to the man across the street when he was sodding his yard, mowing the neighbor's yard when her husband was out of town. But no go. The neighborhood we lived in before moving to this one (both in the same subdivision) was Social Central. We all knew each other's business! And we all took care of each other's families. But this neighborhood is seriously in need of some communications training!
In a few days, 2007 will begin. A chance for a fresh, new start. I wonder what I'll commit to for the year? I'm already thinking of a couple for personal growth, some for social growth, and some for familial growth. Well, a few more days to think about it.
Good luck and think happy thoughts!
Speaking of movies, I highly recommend The Human Stain. Yet another melancholy movie. It stars Sir Anthony Hopkins and Nicole Kidman. What a difficult movie to watch, but so riveting! All three movies share one common bond; keeping secrets portends doom. All three movies were also filmed similarly - with flashbacks to previous events. Thus we get two stories for the price of one.
Why am I on this train of thought? It could be my sense of feeling that I should be happier in my life but for whatever reason, I feel like I just missed the boat. Here I am with a husband who loves me, albeit in a singularly uncommunicative fashion, three children who are for the most part healthy in mind and body, a job I enjoy, a home, transportation, etc. etc. But I am missing something. I'm thinking more and more that what I'm missing is the companionship Rufus and I only very occasionally have - like once every 5 or 6 months. And I'm missing a social life of any kind. Many of our friends have moved away or moved on; and we're finding it more difficult to hook up with other couples. Here we have 2 teenagers and 1 toddler, and though more families are becoming like us, we are still an anomaly. Add to that the fact that Rufus is black and I'm white, and we're living in the South. A recipe for being singled out.
We've been living in our neighborhood for 15 months now, and we have yet to know any of our neighbors by name. Trust me, we've tried by bringing dinners and gifts to the couple next door when they had their daughter, offering assistance to the man across the street when he was sodding his yard, mowing the neighbor's yard when her husband was out of town. But no go. The neighborhood we lived in before moving to this one (both in the same subdivision) was Social Central. We all knew each other's business! And we all took care of each other's families. But this neighborhood is seriously in need of some communications training!
In a few days, 2007 will begin. A chance for a fresh, new start. I wonder what I'll commit to for the year? I'm already thinking of a couple for personal growth, some for social growth, and some for familial growth. Well, a few more days to think about it.
Good luck and think happy thoughts!
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