Melancholy Movies

December 28 1/2 - it's 12:44 AM on the 29th. Last night (or rather early in the AM) I watched The Weight of Water. It was a melancholy suspense that reminded me of Smilla's Sense of Snow. I enjoyed the movie, but I didn't find that it was resolved to my satisfaction. What eluded me was the reason the main protagonist was so sad. Was it her growing rift with her husband, the Pulitzer Prize poet? Or was it the referred-to accident? What I do know is that I could relate to the overall atmosphere of the movie. That sense of mourning something lost but not really knowing what it was that was lost.

Speaking of movies, I highly recommend The Human Stain. Yet another melancholy movie. It stars Sir Anthony Hopkins and Nicole Kidman. What a difficult movie to watch, but so riveting! All three movies share one common bond; keeping secrets portends doom. All three movies were also filmed similarly - with flashbacks to previous events. Thus we get two stories for the price of one.

Why am I on this train of thought? It could be my sense of feeling that I should be happier in my life but for whatever reason, I feel like I just missed the boat. Here I am with a husband who loves me, albeit in a singularly uncommunicative fashion, three children who are for the most part healthy in mind and body, a job I enjoy, a home, transportation, etc. etc. But I am missing something. I'm thinking more and more that what I'm missing is the companionship Rufus and I only very occasionally have - like once every 5 or 6 months. And I'm missing a social life of any kind. Many of our friends have moved away or moved on; and we're finding it more difficult to hook up with other couples. Here we have 2 teenagers and 1 toddler, and though more families are becoming like us, we are still an anomaly. Add to that the fact that Rufus is black and I'm white, and we're living in the South. A recipe for being singled out.

We've been living in our neighborhood for 15 months now, and we have yet to know any of our neighbors by name. Trust me, we've tried by bringing dinners and gifts to the couple next door when they had their daughter, offering assistance to the man across the street when he was sodding his yard, mowing the neighbor's yard when her husband was out of town. But no go. The neighborhood we lived in before moving to this one (both in the same subdivision) was Social Central. We all knew each other's business! And we all took care of each other's families. But this neighborhood is seriously in need of some communications training!

In a few days, 2007 will begin. A chance for a fresh, new start. I wonder what I'll commit to for the year? I'm already thinking of a couple for personal growth, some for social growth, and some for familial growth. Well, a few more days to think about it.

Good luck and think happy thoughts!