New Year, New Me

HAP-PY (belated) NEW YEAR!!!

Whew! So much has happened over the last 4 weeks! And so little! Where to begin? Where to begin?

Well, Christmas was a nice quiet affair. We opted to put only a couple holiday figures outside and just the tree inside. Usually we spend an entire weekend decking the house inside and out. Gabriel decided to write Santa a letter instead of visiting him in person. Santa is a bit too jolly, red and loud for Gabe. Every picture we have of him with Santa depicts him desperately trying to squirm out of his lap.

The gifts this year were low-key, too. Given our financial situation after my being on leave for half of the year, our finances meant we put more thought into the quality as opposed to the cost. As a result, it was one of the nicest Christmases we've had since DD and DOS were babies. And it was just us. And it was wonderful. What a nice way to celebrate Christ's birthday!

In my last post I wrote about having the luxury of going to the movies over the holidays. An extension of that is I am finding myself slowing down significantly. And in a good way.

Before the hubbub of surgery, radiation therapy, etc. (documented in my other blog: http://wonkyknee.blogspot.com), I lived frantically. Always on the go, working two jobs, doing what seemed like a thousand things that needed to get done "right now", and needing to be the 'perfect' whatever in everything. I was always exhausted. Going through surgery, radiation therapy, and the subsequent recuperation forced me to slow down; almost to a complete stop. My days consisted of sleeping, rehab (exercises mandated by the doctor), and what little I could accomplish with a foggy brain (via pain meds) and very little concentration; primarily one task a day.

When I started back to work full time, it was a challenge. It has been just over 3 weeks since I started back, and what a difference from 6 months ago! Six months ago I worked 12-14 hours a day, came home, did whatever "needed" to be done at home, tried to sleep (usually only getting 2-3 hours of sleep a night), and started all over again. It is difficult to explain how busy I thought I had to be.

And now? I work my full day (8-9 hours), but I get to work earlier than I used to. I come home, and if I want, I cook dinner. If not, it's usually leftovers or a frozen dinner, something quick for Gabe (DOS and DH take care of themselves). Help Gabe with his homework, get him off to bed, and then I'm off to bed! Two nights a week I go to a Pilates class. And I occasionally have other plans on the weeknight, but only occasionally. I am usually in bed by 10:30 PM! For me, that is Major with a capital 'M'. I have always been a night owl!

Weekends? Yes, there's the laundry and the grocery shopping. But if it doesn't get done, it will during the next week. Weekends are now for relaxing and family. DH and I are spending more time together and with the children. We are enjoying each other again; something we hadn't in a long time. And getting up in the morning now is so...refreshing. I used to hate waking up. I was always so tired, bone tired. Now I'm tired but it's a 'shake off the sleep' tired. I like the change!

And just what did change? Me? I think that is part of the answer, but not the entire answer. Being forced to do nothing for 6 months was a gift. I had to slow down. I had to stay home. I had to put my life in my family's hands and trust that the show would go on. And it did. And I had to accept it as is. And I did.

And since then? Well, I didn't make any New Year resolutions, but I did make New Year changes. Yes, we all have high hopes at the beginning of the year. And a few weeks into the year those new beginnings are typically shot and put in the grave of New Years past. But this year I feel different. I am...happy. For the first time in many years, I am finally content. So, I did make plans for this year. And so far I am keeping my commitments to myself. And with my new attitude, I think I just might be able to accomplish what I couldn't for so many years.

So, this is really, now, my life redefined.